Kinah: From A Survivor Of Child Sexual Abuse

The following poem is a contemporary kinah, lamentation, written in commemoration of Tisha b’Av, the fast which commemorates the destruction of the Temple. The quoted Hebrew text comes from Eicha, a text which is read on the night of Tisha b’Av.



How did you let this happen to her?

בָּכוֹ תִבְכֶּה בַּלַּיְלָה וְדִמְעָתָהּ עַל לֶחֱיָהּ אֵין לָהּ מְנַחֵם מִכָּל אֹהֲבֶיהָ כָּל רֵעֶיהָ בָּגְדוּ בָהּ הָיוּ :לָהּ לְאֹיְבִים

She weeps, yea, she weeps in the night, and her tears are on her cheek; she has no comforter among all her lovers; all her friends have betrayed her; they have become her enemies.

How do you see the pain of an adult still hurt from the pain inflicted upon them as a child, and turn the other cheek ‘because it happened years ago?’

How do you see the pain of a parent begging on behalf of their betrayed child, and say, well, we can’t believe the testimony of a child, and there is no one else who witnessed the act?



How do you teach that we must protect children from technology, from footballs, from images of women, yet you can’t protect from abuse, from rape, from shame, from PTSD?

How do you pray for the third temple, when you cannot acknowledge the evil you perpetuate?

How do you wrap yourself in a tallis, bind your tefillin, fooling yourself that your outward show of piety is worth anything, when survivors cannot bear the pain anymore and are killing themselves in unprecedented numbers?

How do you listen but take no action?

You are a wolf in a sheep’s clothing. You show local authorities, the media, and critics that you care, but survivors know who you really care about.

Like the Sicarii who wanted to maintain absolute control over ancient Jerusalem, you stab and starve your own people of education, help, and justice.

בַּת־בָּבֶ֗ל הַשְּׁד֫וּדָ֥ה אַשְׁרֵ֥י שֶׁיְשַׁלֶּם־לָ֑ךְ אֶת־גְּ֝מוּלֵ֗ךְ שֶׁגָּמַ֥לְתְּ לָֽנוּ׃

Fair Babylon, you predator, a blessing on him who repays you in kind what you have inflicted on us.

Our community prides itself in being better than others, in being a beacon of family purity and wholesomeness.

Look at what you have done to survivors.

אַשְׁרֵ֤י ׀ שֶׁיֹּאחֵ֓ז וְנִפֵּ֬ץ אֶֽת־עֹ֝לָלַ֗יִךְ אֶל־הַסָּֽלַע׃

A blessing on him who seizes your babies and dashes them against the rocks!

Every edict that is released about the kashrus of strawberries, when your own kashrus is riddled with child abuse and supporters of abusers,
Every time you allow a rapist to lead tefilos in your shul,
Every time you do not protest when a convicted sex offender gives a shiur,
You sully the pure words of Torah and Prayer with their foul mouths.

Every time you allow a sex offender to take executive positions in a shul or community, to be mesader kidushin, to sit on the dais at a public event, you dash us against the rocks.

This article first appeared in the New York Jewish Week